Cranky-D

I’ve been dissed by the deadpool. My post on 50 Cent got only one point.

That is not good. My goal may have slipped from trying to get all 3s, since I started out that way, but getting a one is just a slap in the face.

I almost acted like a whiny little girl and quit. Almost. Not that the host would give a damn, of course. Why should he? But people who take their ball and go home whenever they’re miffed annoy the crap out of me. So screw that.

I admit it wasn’t a gem of a post. But really, was it the equivalent of so many of the one-point wonders out there which look something like:

I picked blah becuase he’s old and I figured he’d be easy points. That’s it.

I think not.

Hey, I had some relevant links in there. I made a vague attempt at humor. I don’t see that as one-point material. Furthermore, some of my other posts during my posting flurry were probably better than 2-point material. If it weren’t for Mr. Perfect coming in and spending hours on half his posts, I would’ve had more threes.

I just know it.

So, since I was dissed on my 50 Cent post, I will invoke the wrath of a rapper as revenge. Hey, fitty, did you know that Laurence Simon said that 50 Cent is a whiny little pussy? Well, he did.

Again, Laurence Simon said 50 Cent is a whiny little pussy. You read it on the internet, so it must be true.

The fact that I have never met Laurence nor have I ever emailed or IMd him on the topic of 50 cent is completely irrelevant.

I expect fitty or his G-unit to do my work for me. Time to start a deadpool for L.S.

Remember, revenge is a dish best served warm with a side of hash-browns. And a beer.

This was cross-posted to the dead pool

What do you do when you have a famous rock-star for a father, a famous rock-star’s wife for a mother, and a brother who apparently doesn’t do a whole lot of anything? If you’re Kelly Osbourne, you live a life of self-indulgance.

If you aren’t getting hair extensions because your own hair is falling out from over-bleaching it, presenting awards, pretending to be a D.J., or slamming other people for complaining about celebrity photographers, you’re complaining about your own mother: “Each year I get a single rose from my mum saying, ‘This is from your one true love.’ And it’s really stupid.”

Way to be classy, Kelly.

Like a lot of people, I didn’t even know she existed until that MTV show “The Osbournes” came on the air. I thought it was hilarious. Just trying to translate “Ozzy speech” into English was a trip. Plus, Ozzie was a great person to put in front of kids. “See what happens when you do too many drugs? You end up like Ozzy.”

Apparently, even seeing that every day has not discourage Kelly from indulging herself. She has already been in rehab once for an addiction to pain killers (which I think was shown on the TV show), and it is rumored that she was in rehab again recently.

She has a singing career. I know she has recorded a few albums. I was surprised there were as many as there are. I listened to the free sample for “One Word,” which one of the Amazon reviewers said was a good song. Meh.

I don’t know how much nepotism is going on here. Did she sign her own deal, or did dad sign her to a vanity label? And does it really matter? In my mind, no. She’ll blow the money either way, and at least with a CD she can claim she tried something.

My advice, Kelly, is to either learn to write your own songs, or buy songs from a better source. I suggest you buy from Diane Warren if you want some winners. That woman really cranks out the top ten hits. Just ask Cher (”If I Could Turn Back Time”) or Aerosmith(”I Don’t Want to Miss a Thing”). You might also consider Desmond Child for the more rocking stuff. Do you remember “You Give Love a Bad Name” and “Living on a Prayer?” Thought so.

Anyway, all my bitching aside about wasted money, why did I choose poor Kelly? I have nothing against her. I feel sorry for her in some ways. I picked her because she’s very young and on the fast track to a drug overdose or a flaming car wreck while wasted. She’s worth a lot of points if she kicks. I have a solo shot on her.

It would be a sad waste if she dies. Then again, I would get a lot of points. So it’s a toss-up, really.

This was cross-posted to the dead pool

Apparently, pornography is very bad. Evil, in fact. You can’t even look at a few naughty pictures and still be safe. “Before long, pornography becomes a sexual whirlpool, pulling users into deeper and deeper habits and into more and more extreme versions of pornography.” Uh huh.

If it is bad, you couldn’t prove it by Hugh Hefner. Porn has been very, very good to him. The latest venture for Playboy Enterprises is a 24 hour a day channel on Sirius Satellite Network. One wonders if a visual medium like porn can translate to radio, but still, Hugh will make money either way. Hugh’s direct participation seems to be limited to answering listener questions for a planned morning program. Heck, they’re even going to launch a new version of the magazine in India, although the women will be clothed.

You can argue that Hugh is one of those responsible for shaking up the attitudes towards sex in this country. He is certainly one of the most visible proponents of change. It’s kind of funny now to see the pictures from his magazine and think how many people found them offensive. These days they’re so tame they may not even be porn to some people. The magazine remains one of the relatively tasteful offerings out there today. I don’t buy it myself, since in the internet age, buying porn is really kind of stupid. Though I guess someone has to buy it, or there wouldn’t be any “free” stuff.

Thanks to those out there who spend their money.

My only comment on the magazine content is to note that they have a penchant for featuring obviously augmented women, which to me is a huge turn-off. I have no idea if there’s any good writing in there or not.

Hugh’s daughter Christie runs the day-to-day operations of the magazine and the corporation, though if I recall correctly, Hugh chooses the centerfold of the month and the year. Otherwise he’s popping viagra and fooling around with one of his four or five or whatever “girlfriends.” I wonder if that turns Christie’s stomach as much as it would mine. Bleah.

Even though Hugh probably takes pretty good care of himself, a man that old with women that young is a bad combination (yeah, maybe I’m jealous… so what?). I expect him to die from a heart attack any day now.

Which means this guy is going to live forever.

This has been cross-posted to the dead pool

Did you see this? Fat Joe is dissing 50 Cent. He must have a death wish or something. If 50 Cent doesn’t bother to mess Fat Joe’s ass up personally, someone from his G-Unit will.

Do I know what I’m talking about? Hell no. This stuff is totally off my radar screen. All I know about 50 Cent is that he has sold a lot of CDs, has been shot 9 times, and has a deal with Reebok. I often hang out in a College bar, so I’ve probably heard some of his work. I couldn’t tell you.

So, why pick him? Gangster rappers often die young, since many of them cannot seem to let go of their roots. And why 50 Cent as my selection? You could argue that the guy is bullet resistant, or you could argue that the odds are not in his favor. I’m betting on the latter. If you’ve been shot nine times already, and no vital organs were permanently damaged, that next shot is going to have your name on it.

Old grim will come a’ callin’ on 50 one of these days. For my deadpool standings sake, better sooner than later.

This was cross-posted to the dead pool

I started having an interest in finance a long time ago, while I was still living in Southern California. It could’ve been because I was not employed, and my grad school classes were at night, thus leaving me plenty of time during the day to watch the stock ticker go by. Plus, on the west coast the market closes early, so all the daily wrap-up shows are on at 1 pm or so.

I’m not sure when I started watching Wall Street Week with Louis Rukeyser. I know it was some time after I moved to the Midwest. I believe that part of the reason I started watching was that I was new here and didn’t have any friends, so having a few “ritual” shows helped give the week some structure.

There was something comforting about old Louis. He somehow convinced a poor graduate student that I could have money some day, and I was learning what I would do with it. The virtual millions were rolling in. Once I started I didn’t miss a show. I taped it when I wasn’t home to see it.

Then, they kicked him off the show. I watched the PBS replacement show a few times, but it was so dry and uninteresting that I soon gave up on it. I see that the show was cancelled last year (scroll down a bit). Good.

He went on to host a competing show on CNBC called “Louis Rukeyser’s Wall Street.” He kept the format the same, and he had the same recurring guests. He even managed to get a lot of PBS stations to carry his new show, directly competing with their new show. He participated on his program for around 18 months before he had to leave to have back surgery. During the surgery, doctors discovered that he had cancer. CNBC kept the show alive with a rotating series of guest hosts, but my interest waned as the months went by since it just wasn’t the same without him. Eventually, he asked that CNBC let the show lapse since he felt he would not be able to return.

He has a website, of course. It has some pay content and some free content. Otherwise, I haven’t seen much from him lately. He’s 73 years old, fairly young for a wealthy person who doesn’t have any obvious vices, but cancer can be tough to beat.

He’s another of my “under the radar” picks that wasn’t far enough under the radar since other people picked him as well. Still, if he has to go this year, there’s no reason I shouldn’t get some points out of it.

This was cross-posted to the dead pool

One pick I made way before the deadline was Dan Fogelberg. I heard on the news that the guy had prostate cancer. “Cool,” thought I. Not cool that he was sick, but cool in that I thought I had found a pick that might fly under the radar and get me a chance at a solo shot.

Nope. As it turns out, I’m so damn obvious with my picks that I have no solo picks this year.

Here’s some even better news. As of last August, Danny boy is looking pretty good for surviving the next few years.

Lovely.

I have him on google news at bloglines, and I’ll be damned if there was not one really relevant news item about him. As with most of the famous people, his name is often mentioned from the same press release on twenty different news sites. Most of the time, no one even bothers editing the press releases, so it’s the same pablum over and over again.

I don’t have any albums from this guy. I’m not even sure what songs he sings. I thought he was responsible for “Longer,” but I didnt’ see it on any of his early albums. Either I’ve got the title wrong or the artist wrong. Probably both.

I’m sure his music haunted me during my youth in the mid 70s when I listened to top forty crap, but maybe I’ve blocked it out. I’m sure he’s done a few sappy songs that warrant the grim one giving Dan a short haircut at about neck level. One swipe of the scythe and Cranky-D gets some much-needed points.

Update: I have a solo shot on Dan after all. Sweet!

This was cross-posted to the dead pool

I have two deadpool picks that I selected relatively early, months ahead of the deadline. One of them is Mindy McCready. I picked her because she fit my default profile of a musician who takes drugs. That little combination has resulted in many an untimely death.

Unfortunately for me, emergency medical services are much better than they were in the sixties, so dying from an overdose isn’t as common as it used to be. Maybe I’m holding on to the glorious past of drugs and rock and roll a little too hard.

I’m sure I heard of her because of her suicide attempts. That sort of thing tends to catch the ear. Otherwise, I had no idea who she was since to me, country music ends with people like Willie Nelson, Waylon Jennings, and Johnny Cash, and I never listen to country radio or watch CMT. Obviously, many people would disagree with my sentiments, since country is pretty hot and Mindy is one of the benefactors.

I know she did a stint on Larry King a while ago. I’m not sure if talking to him about your private life immunizes you from dying or not. We’ll have to see.

This was cross-posted to the dead pool

I don’t remember exactly how I came up with Charlton Heston as one of my picks. It was probably me just thinking about who’s famous and old. He qualifies.

I’m not sure which movie I saw him in first. It could’ve been “The Ten Commandments,” or “Ben Hur,” or maybe “Planet of the Apes.” It was probably the ape movie, but I wouldn’t be surprised if I saw it in a drive-in before I was old enough to remember having seen it. He’s done so many movies, I could spend all my time listing them. It would be easier if you went here and looked for yourself.

Many people don’t like him because he has the audacity to be a conservative actor. Not only that, he spent a few years as the president of the National Rifle Association. Michael Moore famously ambushed him in his idiotic “documentary” which I won’t bother pointing to. You know what I’m talking about.

I remember one quote about him. I think it was from the Mad magazine adaptation of “Planet of the Apes.” He was demanding to be tried by a jury of his peers, and the response was, “Where are we going to find twelve millionaire blond actors who speak in monotone?”

He reported a few years ago that he had a neurological disorder that’s a precursor to Alzheimer’s. Even with the best health care, his days are numbered. Perhaps he can slip away quietly this year and I can get out of the basement.

This has been cross-posted to the dead pool.

I kind of pulled Liza Minelli out of the blue last fall. I was watching a drag show, and the performer was doing a Liza impersonation. Suddenly it struck me. Liza is a junkie, a drunk, and used to beat her gay husband. How can you pass up an opportunity like that? Surely this woman would be pushing up daisies soon enough.

Yeah, right. Rich people don’t often die from their indiscretions. At least, they don’t die quickly.

I saw from my newsfeed that Blogcritics was asking the question, “If Liza Minelli weren’t Judy Garland’s daughter would she be anything beyond a receptionist at a used car dealership?” Wonderfully snarky, but I would argue that she probably has slightly more talent than that. For instance, I enjoyed her in “Arthur.” I can’t remember whatever else she’s done.

She’s one of my picks that can just go ahead and die already. I don’t hate her, but franky, her continued existance doesn’t matter to me in the slightest.

This was cross-posted to the dead pool

Before I made this obligatory post about Anna Nicole Smith, I checked the archives to see if anyone who picked her had bothered posting about her supreme court appearance. No one had.

I guess I’m the only player who’s actually attempting to keep up with blogging (yeah this will be four posts for today) who picked her. The link above adds nothing, but at least there’s a picture of her in it. She gets mentioned a little too often to filter easily.

She also has movie coming out called “Illegal Aliens”. I imagine this is one of those movies that hits video as quickly as possible. For all I know, it’s already in the cut-out bin at your local Wal-Mart. She was injured doing one of her own stunts while filming. I imagine it involved her attempting to think and do something else at the same time.

Hence the injury.

Anyway, she’s another holdover pick from last year. She was heavily into prescription drugs and getting fatter by the month. Now, of course, she has lost a lot of weight. Yo-yo dieting is very hard on your body, so she’s shaving some time off her rather bizarre life. People with lavish lifestyles often end up dead for strange reasons. I assumed she would be another statistic by now.

I imagine she’s still using, but I have no evidence to support that allegation.

Please don’t sue me, Anna.

This was cross-posted to the dead pool

Another one of my holdover picks from last year is Scott Weiland.

Scott got his start on the road to fame as the lead singer of the Stone Temple Pilots. Supposedly they got their start in San Diego, but frankly I doubt that. San Diego doesn’t have much of a music scene. They may have formed there and played there a bit, but I’ll bet they moved to Los Angeles before they actually had a chance at “making it.”

I originally chose Scott because he is a famous user of heroin, and he helped round out my subset of musicians on the way to an early grave due to drug use. I figured Scott was going to pull a Lane Staley (lead singer of Alice in Chains, heroin O.D.) last year. He fooled me.

He stayed on my list through ineritia, I suppose. He’s apparently cleaned up now, dedicated to the wife and kid, all that rubbish. The family thing isn’t rubbish, it just usually is when a musician says it.

Anyway, I like and own a lot of his work. “Plush” is probably my favorite STP song, but “Interstate Love Song,” “Vaseline,” and a few others I can’t remember right now are good. I also like “Fall to Pieces” from his latest band, Velvet Revolver.

Sure, “Fall to Pieces” is formulaic, a typical rock ballad with Slash doing his slash-stuff all over it. So what?

Anyway, Scott will continue to live, and I’ll continue my pointless (pun intended) existence.

This has been cross-posted to the dead pool

I’m behind on my dead pool reading since I got a job, so I don’t know if anyone has said anything about Les Paul yet.

Among many of his achievements, he “…invented multi-track recording, developed the modern solidbody electric [guitar], and lesnd his name t one of the all-time great guitar models [the Gibson Les Paul]…” (Guitar Player, Dec 2005, page 66). At 90, he continues to perform every Monday night at the Iridium Jazz Club, and he just finised an album titled “Les Paul and Friends,” containing collaborations with Eric Clapton, Keith Richards, Steve Miller, Buddy Guy, Jeff Beck, Billy Gibbons, Peter Frampton, Sting, Kenny Wayne Shepherd, Neal Schon, Rick Derringer, Edgar Winter, and Joss Stone. The fact that so many well-known players wanted to record with him should tell you something about his reputation.

He spent a lot of time as a session guy in recording studios. If you listened to older music, the kind your parents and/or grandparents may have listened to, you’ve probably heard his playing at some time.

I’d recommend something of his tp you, but frankly, I don’t own any of his stuff, though I might get that new album at some point since I like so many of the other artists on it. I just know that many people count him as an influence, and certainly what he’s done for electric guitar has influenced many people.

So, why did I pick him? Age. Also, with my luck at picks, having him on my list will make him survive one more year.

This has been crossposted to the dead pool

I don’t know all that much about Gerald Ford. Just that he’s really really old. And, of course, many people in the deadpool have chosen him.

I have the feeling that his reputation as a stumblebum is probably greatly exaggerated. If we all had cameras following us 24/7 to catch our every mistake, I’ll bet it would be possible to come up with enough footage to characterize us all in many different ways. Almost every winter, I slip on the ice and fall on my drunken ass at least once. I’ve already done if for this year, so I hope that will be it.

My strongest memory associated with Gerald Ford is the Nixon resignation that resulted in his becoming president. I was a young geek of almost 10 and I was trying to watch a Star Trek re-run that afternoon. Instead, every channel, all three of them, had this same old guy droning on about some weird crap that I didn’t care about. It was Nixon.

I just wanted to see my Star Trek, dammit.

This has been cross-posted to the dead pool