Cranky-D

Topic

A real quick one, not fiction. Right now it’s just me and kitty.

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“She expects to be fed four times per day.”

“Hmm.”

“There are four kinds of food. She really likes the beef and chicken varieties. You should alternate the flavors. Also, I bought a new one, turkey, that she lets me sneak in every few days or so.”

“Alright.”

“And she gets 16 of the fish treats per day. Count them, she knows when she’s not getting enough. She gets those in the morning.”

“Who has who trained here?”

Still, we think she’s about 18 and that’s a long time in kitty years. Whatever her highness wants is fine with me.

Topic

Eh, it’s already a day late, but I was traveling yesterday. I’m house-sitting for my father and sister while they’re visiting relatives in Alaska.

Please note that I have had hamsters as pets, and they are all unique little critters. I wouldn’t harm a hair on their fuzzy little heads, bodies, whatever.

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He wandered down the infinite corridor. So many doors on both sides, and none of them were marked.

He had tried a few of them at first, but the things he had seen on the other side of the doors frightened him. The last time a huge hand, like the had of King Kong, had reached towards him out of some kind of mist. He had slammed the door just in time.

Wait. This one felt right. He opened it.

“Come in and eat,” she said. “It’s broiled hamsters in cream sauce.”

He paused. “Eh, why not? Could be worse.”

Topic

Late and UTI, but I was waylaid by the day’s events, including turning in the final copy of my thesis. Now I’m Officially Dr. Dave.

BTW, I wrote most of this in my head before I took any beer. In my present condition, I like it.

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I was sitting at my usual place, the end of the bar furthest from the door, engaged with a scotch on the rocks. She walked in. A lithe vision. Dark hair and a clinging red silk dress that fell to her knees and worshipped them as she walked.

The usual suspects immediately orbited her. I knew the lines they were spinning without even hearing them. “What’s a nice girl…” and so forth. She was not a nice girl, so I knew that wouldn’t work. They kept trying anyway. The saps.

She sat next to me. “Keep your mouth shut.”

Love.

Topic

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Building in the lowlands was always a challenge. The decennial storms would dump water faster than it could be drained. Buildings had to be watertight under immense pressure until the water could be removed. Still, he was an experienced contractor, so everyone knew he was up to the task.

His skyscraper was considered by most to be quite elegant, and was placed on its own large section of land. He enclosed the section with a wall high enough to isolate it from the rest of the flooding.

The sump pumps, sourced from the lowest bidder, failed during the first storm.

Topic

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Your words were not pleasing to me.

I have deleted everything I wrote that even remotely involved you. Any CD which had pictures of you took one last flight to the waste basket.

I found some of your things on the shelves, in a few drawers. You can find them on the lawn. Hurry, the people in this neighborhood are quick to pick up stuff, and are not discerning. I expect even the panties will soon be gone.

I cleaned the bathroom. None of your hair is left here.

If I could scrub my brain clean of you, I would.

Topic

I really hate this one, more than any of the others. However, I got there late, and all the easy ones had been done. I was going to do one about sniping someone for buying the last candy bar from the vending machine, but that was too obvious.

So I have a little snippet that tells without showing a damn thing. Very bad storytelling.

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He was looking at a couple he had known for years. They were people from the neighborhood bar, and the only association was at the bar. He knew the weaknesses in their relationship. They danced around the issues, never facing them. Or maybe they didn’t realize there were issues.

He wondered what would happen if they did.

He spoke to each person separately, casually, telling them the things they had been ignoring about the other, the chance remarks that when connected revealed even more. He made it all sound innocent. Just bar talk.

They broke up about a month afterwards.

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Update: What the hell, here’s the candy-bar story

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He was on top of the building. His target should be arriving soon.

He had his M1A. He sighted in a few lamppost lights and imagined them as the head of his target. He felt a tiny rush as he imagined the lights shattering, like the bones of a skull.

Finally, his target arrived. The target always parked in the same spot. The target got out of the car, and he aimed the crosshairs at the target’s head.

As he squeezed the trigger, he thought, “That’s the last time you’ll buy the last 100 grand bar from the vending machines.”

Topic

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This time the prize would be his. No more second place finishes. No more also-rans.

He crafted his entry carefully. From the ground up, it was designed to win. Every element of success was encoded into its being. He shaped it, caressed it, polished it to a shine that blinded even him. The result of his efforts was truly inspired by the gods. He submitted his entry in confidence that this time he would win.

He looked the next day and saw a note. He moaned, and the tears came. “We loved your entry, but it was 101 words long.”

Topic

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“How to write well,” was the title. It appeared to be a vanity press book written around the turn of the century. He flipped through the chapters, and it seemed to cover every aspect of fiction writing: characters and character development, plot, clarity, and conciseness. It appeared to be exactly what he was looking for.

He turned to the front of the book, and on their own page were the words, “It’s better to be original than obvious. Good writing comes with practice and a little bit of luck.”

He returned the book to the shelf and left the store.

Today’s theme

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“Move out into the light,” he said. Don’t be shy.”

“Yeah!” he cried as directed photon burst reduced a random person to ash.

He’d grown quite bitter over the millenia. He had provided life to everything on the planet, and light before there was life. The humans used to worship him, but now they chose to worship the earth or some invisible god instead. As if the earth would be anything but a lifeless ball of dirt without him.

He searched for another target. There were so many to choose from.

“I’m the sun, you insignificant specs. Feel my wrath.”

Part IIII if you’re so inclined.

Today was the second visit to the crown guy. The first was a little over two weeks ago. He ground and filled and ground again. He yanked on that poor tooth, and put some kind of metal thing in my mouth which I guess helps to expost the tooth. It hurt even with the novacaine. He used some kind of weird filling material which hardens when exposed to strong light. I don’t get it. Still, it probably isn’t amalgam, which is good since I don’t need any more mercury poisoning right now, thanks awfully.

The result of the first visit was a piece of inflamed tissue in my mouth which kept getting caught between my lower wisdom tooth and my gum. However, that issue went away after about five days of various levels of suffering every time I chewed or even closed my mouth. Somehow I managed to stop irritating it and it healed.

Anyway, today was some more grinding, but not very much. It started with tugging on the plastic crown to remove it. That effing hurt! The stupid tooth can still cause pain, even though it’s dead, since the gum surrounding the tooth is alive an well, so far. Then came lots of fussing with the crown, trying to get it to fit just right. When he was done grinding on me and the crown, that sucker went in with a *snap* noise. Perfect, I guess. He glued it in with cement that, again, hardens under bright light.

The total bill? Around $1900. The crown was $1270 with a 5% discount for paying all at once. Of course, I didn’t really pay all at once, Visa did. The root canal rounds out the balance of the bill.

Kids, listen to your Uncle Dave. Go to the dentist even if you absolutely hate it like I do. Otherwise, you’ll end up going there later and spending even more money. Unless you want to gum your food the rest of your life.

Here is my comment entry for today’s 100 words topic.

Note that sometimes you have to go with what you can barf out for a topic. I’m not all that happy about this one, but it’s what came to me.

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I used to be a long-haired hippie freak. Now, I have retired-marine hair.

I wear button-fly 501s. Black. I have a drawer full of black t-shirts. I wear black engineer boots, and a black leather jacket. I’m angsty.

I listen to one of those “X” radio stations. Most likely owned by clear channel. They play that hard, hard rock that survives the corporate filter.

When I circulate among my fellow humans, I don’t see any who look like me. So many of the college bar patrons years my junior look the same to me.

I’m unique. Like everybody else.

There is a blog of sorts that has a daily writing task. Given the input events, the task is to write exactly 100 words about the input. Below is my attempt at today’s assignment. Anyone can participate at the blog in the comments section.

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“I’ve always hated this wallpaper.”

A long suffering sigh. “Yes, father, I know.”

“And that picture of the horse. Why is that still on the wall?”

“I don’t know, father.”

“I don’t know why I keep a picture of your mother’s horse. What’s the point?”

“You could put another picture there, if you like.”

“It wasn’t a very good horse. It always tried to bite me whenever I got too close.”

“Perhaps the horse knew you didn’t like it.”

“Ridiculous.”

“If you say so, father.”

“I think I need more of my medicine.”

“I’ll get it.”

“You’re a good daughter.”

I’ve been playing this game for a little while. I guess it’s not a game as much as an exercise in evil.

Ever since I moved out of my apartment close to the university, and started wrapping up my thesis and preparing for my defense (completed last December), I’ve been really bad about getting to the gym. I kept up my membership at the university gym, but getting there was often a problem. It was easy to put off going, since the travel time of at least half an hour both ways if the stars were right, 45 mintues if they weren’t, was usually longer than the time I spent there. I almost always use public transportation to go to the university, since parking is both expensive and problematic. Also, I wasn’t feeling all that well due to lack of sleep, and then of course the winter colds started hitting and it was easy to put off going. So I turned into more of a lump than normal.

I don’t want to knock the facilities at the university. They are really pretty good. There were some issues with weights which were missing and needed replacing, but overall the equipment is top-notch. I don’t know if we were getting the equipment after the football team used it, or if we had our own, but they kept it in good shape.

Also, the eye candy at the university gym is probably difficult to find elsewhere. Youth has a beauty all its own, and the youth at the gym were prevelant and every now and then striking. However, one must face reality at some point, and it is unlikely that they would be interested in a man old enough to be their father. Such is life.

Practicality won out over other considerations, and last Thursday I joined the local YWCA, which is roughly 10 blocks from where I live. Yes, guys can join too. I was hoping that it would provide some social interaction with adults. However, the best-looking ones are the attendents who are probably not a whole lot older than the undergrads at the university gym. Eh well. I was also a bit disappointed in the equipment. The weight benches need a little attention since the vinyl covers on some of them are ripped. They are also missing a few pieces of equipment that I have become accustomed to using.

Adapt and survive, I guess. I’ve already figured out how to work around the missing equipment.

The real plus is that it is close. That means I will go more often, since it only takes about 5-10 minutes to get there, depending on how bad the traffic gets. If I go more often, I won’t be as lumpy. Naturally I hope I will weigh less as well, but that is another fight entirely. Exercising by itself rarely makes you lose weight unless you spend all day exercising, or are just starting out. Exercising merely keeps you from metabolizing muscle. To lose weight, you also have to eat less. In my case, I have found that I don’t lose serious weight unless I get my calorie intake to be around 1200 per day or so, 1500 max. That isn’t much, kids.